so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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