They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
