Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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