I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
