the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
