i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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