No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
