I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
