I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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