Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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