Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
