all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
