it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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