I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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