did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
