yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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