why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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