Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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