Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
