Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Houston, we have a squirter
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
