Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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