the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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