I met the friendliest cop last night
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
