I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
