Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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