I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
