My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
