If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
