so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
