Need sex. Gaining weight.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
