did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Please don't give away my fajitas
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
