I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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