i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
