last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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