Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
