just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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