how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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