Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
