Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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