You just made me feel so damn special
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
