I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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