Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize