***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
