Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
