He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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