There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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