im drinking this country out of the recession.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
