my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
