I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
