Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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