i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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