The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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