my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
