I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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